Exposed

Harry Potter males no different from the others!

By: Devina (The Charmed One)

Nopes my friends, I have not lost it, although I must say this surprises me as well. I think this is as far as close to feminism I shall ever get!!! Blaspheming them on html? I indeed must be in a bad mood!

Ok, enough with my moods and feminist states (I may be one, I may not!), here are *drum rolls* my top 15 moments in the books that show me that bar heroism, talents, bar all that outer finery…and you get the average male Neanderthal. ;-)

15. Snape's mean, rude and awful reference to Lily as a Mudblood. I have no idea when guys will get the point: We DON'T really fancy guys, who are mean to us, pull pigtails etc…however much you think it's an adequate method of proclaiming your undying and true love.

14. Sirius's obvious attempts to show floppy hair. So a few girls like floppy hair. BIG DEAL! All of us DON'T like floppy hair. Initially noticing you is one thing; let me tell you, floppy hair ain't gonna keep up your cool appearance forever. Just because Sirius Black was great doesn't mean you are all that great.

13. Harry makes it to the list!!! Wow!!! Ok, not surprised. How can he possibly miss Ginny's thing for him??? It's his own fault for getting "Your eyes are as fresh as a pickled toad…" Valentine, if he doesn't think turning red, dropping things, squeaking are signs, then goodness, what can be clearer than a Valentine rhyme?

12. Harry and Ron share twelfth spot! Boys, listen, read and learn. If you go to a party, no matter whether the choice was voluntary or involuntary, WE DON'T CARE! You act as if you're enjoying or hordes of gals will bear a grudge against you and some may act beyond icy. You have been warned.

11. James Potter, father of our hero Harry Potter makes a fine appearance. His apparent lack of understanding that Lily doesn't really like show-offs and hurting Snape was not on her list of "What a guy has to do to impress me" earned him this place. If a girl blatantly shows that she doesn't like your attitude, change it! Being rude, mean, and inconsiderate towards others doesn't endear you to anyone.

10. Harry again!!! I can see he's chalking up a lot of marks here! And my marks, they're definitely in the negative! Remember Harry trying to ask Cho to the Yule Ball? Yeah, in the midst of preparing himself for that, he observed that girls apparently travel in packs and he had half a mind to lasso one. Lasso a girl? What are we? Cows? And we don't travel in packs, as in hunting packs; we're like this weird sisterhood group. Besides, who on earth said girls don't walk alone sometimes? [Word of warning to the male specie: If a girl is walking alone, check her demeanour to make sure she's not alone because she's sad, because if that's the case, you're worse off than if you didn't approach her at all.] Besides, about the girls giggling, well yeah it's funny when we're 14 and our hormones are acting up. GO FIGURE!

9. Hagrid enters the countdown to number one, only to share this spot with Ron. Another important MALE ONLY characteristic: you're foolish enough to care more for your pets and show that you do to your potential soul-mate. Girls probably do care more for their pets, but show that to guys only if they're angry. Show greater love for dragons or owls or rats or hippogriffs when she isn't around. Make her feel special and don't put her below the pet…at least, not in front of her.

8. We get Hagrid again at 8th spot! Congrats! You're a typical male…uh, male human-giant! I don't care if she's skeleton thin, or what you would consider fat. You don't tell her that! It goes against all rules of sanity. Just shows, doesn't it? Hagrid had clearly lost all sense of, well, sense, when he asked Olympe if she was a giant. There were actually 2 reasons for her anger, as opposed to the commonly believed explanation: (1) The common one: she was scared of people finding out of her giant heritage, obviously because of the prejudice (2) This is important too: The fact that she has giant heritage…makes her feel BIG, which she is, and remember this all-important fact: No member of the female specie likes to feel bigger than the rest. Got it?

7. This is probably a record: HAGRID!!! *cheers* Dear Hagrid…*sigh* colour co-ordination is a must. You do not go to meet the potential wearing flashy clothes and sporting an awful hairstyle and smelling of bad perfume. Consult with experienced friends on what to do and what not to do. Get a new pair of clothes, go to a hairdressers' if you're not sure how to comb your mass of hair, buy a new NICE-SMELLING cologne, and…(this is big)…find out if she likes hair just as it is, or spiked.

6. Harry appears on rung 6 on this ladder, with his apparent confused state about his "wet kiss". I wouldn't know myself if a non cheek-to-cheek kiss is wet or not, but I am assuming here, it's not the cheek-to-cheek variety he's talking about, so how the hell is it gonna be stark dry? Besides, I'm sure that if someone asks you how a kiss was, you should not be DUNDERHEAD enough to say, "WET!"

5. Ron and Harry share the 5th position on this list for being such insensitive, inconsiderate, Neanderthals with moronic and zero IQ minds with regard to Cho. That is, of course, before she turned into an insensitive, inconsiderate, Neanderthal with moronic and zero IQ mind. *shakes head* She disgraced us all.

4. Ron gets this one. I can't recollect quite clearly (my copy of the book is here, although I do confess I feel to lazy to refer to it) Hermione started getting ready for the Yule Ball I think, 3 hours in advance. Ron obviously was amazed at that. Why, may I ask? To wear a dress that looks oh-so pretty, do all the secret girl things that we do to look amazing, not to mention waiting until the hair sets even though we've applied something to it…do you have ANY idea how much time it takes? Obviously not. Hmph. Men.

3. Ron for wanting to go to the Yule Ball with someone whose nose was dead centre, didn't have any facial problems and didn't look like Eloise. If that isn't misogyny and discrimination, then WHAT is???

2. This was one incident which just made me see red. (Not so difficult, considering my room is generally, well, red) But STILL, this sort of behaviour is inexcusable. Cast your mind back to when people were trying to get dates for the Yule Ball. Also note that our two top cave-men, Harry and Ron, were devoid of dates till the very last minute. So when Harry asked Hermione to go with Ron, he seemed to realize only at that point that Hermione did not belong to the male specie. That's the problem with cave-men…be friendly, lend notes, join in your fun and you'll never realize that we're not male. Argh.

*drum rolls*
Weeeeeeee, we're at NUMERO UNO!!!

1. "Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have."
This line is almost like my guru of lines. Hermione, I salute you! This line holds true for almost all men. Ron just proves that he doesn't understand simple logic of emotion. Girls don't operate by different rules; rules are the same, display is different. Remember that.

Ok, love to all! Except the cave-men and *hugs* for those putting up with the cave-men.